


Five reasons Rossi is glad he doesn’t really have kids. (And why Hotch couldn’t believe him less.)

by Hagar



Series: Take Seven [3]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: 5 Things, Drabble Sequence, Fluff, Gen, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-30
Updated: 2010-05-30
Packaged: 2017-10-09 19:18:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/90659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hagar/pseuds/Hagar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rossi does not want kids. He never will, and he never had. He's making lists – long, convulated lists – of why he shouldn't be doing what he's doing, and all Aaron hears is Dave being happier than he's ever been.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five reasons Rossi is glad he doesn’t really have kids. (And why Hotch couldn’t believe him less.)

Under no circumstances does Rossi want Hotch's job. All human relationships are high-maintenance by definition; children moreso, and they do not cease to be children when they become adults. Rossi does not want children. He never will, and he never had. If he had, he would still be married to Wife Number Two; else, he'd just be paying her even more money than he does. Alternatively, he'd have a Wife Number Four who is twenty-five years younger than he, and if turning _that_ down does not testify to how much he does not want children, he doesn't know what does.

**1\. Children constitute an insoluble commitment**  
The number one thing wrong with kids is that in the modern world fathers aren't choosers. You don't even know when it's happened, and then you're stuck with the one thing in this world that is worse than a kitten. It's like Reid. He's annoying, blind to your boundaries and can't look after himself to save his life, _literally._ There is no reason to willingly involve yourself with that, and the worst thing is that thanks to neurobiochemistry, after a while the relief from having stopped him falling out the window _yet again_ transforms into being happy he's there, period.

**2\. Children are ungrateful**  
The one other thing that is completely infuriating about children is that they are cheeky, ungrateful little bastards. There is no winning with parental responsibility: set too few or too many limits and they'll develop a personality disorder or three, don't mess up they'll hate you anyway because you are a parent and being the ultimate in scapegoats is part of your job description. Morgan, that's a good example. That baseline hostility for authority has Rossi pushing at it, constantly, because Hotch is too good a man but Morgan needs to be prepared for that nasty cold world out there.

**3\. They make you feel old**  
Even if by God's grace you make it to the point where your child does not give you heart attacks on a regular basis and they somehow like you, the generation gap will still get you. No matter that wisdom is correlated with age or how developed your self esteem is, at some point your children will make you feel obsolete even if they don't mean to. Working with Garcia might do that to anyone over thirty. It isn't about skill or intelligence: it's about the fundamentals of her world, the future world, and some days Rossi just feels old.

**4\. You worry at them **  
Boys might talk back more, but daughters are much more confusing. Separating your wife from your mother is too difficult for half the men, so Rossi doesn't know how anyone can handle daughters. You want your daughter happy, independent and safe, but no two out of these three are without contradiction. How JJ's parents can stand it is beyond him. She's a right steel fist in a velvet glove, more than capable of holding her ground verbally and physically, but there isn't a day when Rossi doesn't mentally cringe at least once at someone like her being where they are.

**5\. The world breaks them and you can't fix them**  
Children do go out on their own, and even if they're capable, well-adjusted and kind, the world is still a screwed up place and there's an alarming chance that it _will_ screw your kids over. Rossi can't imagine a more excruciating helplessness than watching your child suffer, knowing you can wrap the proverbial bandaid but you just. can't. fix them. Seeing Emily through the exorcism case felt like that: she faltered and struggled and pulled through, and before then Dave knew but didn't _know_ what fearing like that for someone felt like, and he hopes he'll never have to again.

**…and why Hotch couldn't believe him less. **  
The bottom line of being human is that human persons don't – can't – exist outside of commitments and communities. Aaron had been watching Dave refuse to own up to this basic truth for too many years. It was funny before Aaron grasped the implications, worrysome after, and then became painful as Dave clashed badly with a team Aaron is helpless not to treasure far more than he should. Lately, it's become hilarious again. Dave is making lists – long, convulated lists – of why he shouldn't be doing what he's doing, and all Aaron hears is Dave being happier than he's ever been.


End file.
